


Five Staffers Toking

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:59:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Go in the bedroom, get the incense and the Creedence records."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Staffers Toking

Boxes fell everywhere. Nora scowled, pushing and sifting through boxes and random shoes.

"What is this?"

Nora reached for the Ziploc, gasping when she saw what was inside.

"Toby?"

"Yeah sugar?"

"Come in here please."

Toby walked into the bedroom, wiping his wet hands on the front of his jeans.

"What's up?"

"Wanna explain this?"

Nora held up the plastic bag, which was half-full of marijuana. Toby looked from the bag to Nora.

"What is that?" he asked.

"Good question. I found it after the closet fell in on me."

"I don't think that's mine…a lot of your things are in that closet."

"If I had good weed I would have smoked it by now. It has to be yours."

"I deny it being mine." Toby said.

"OK, then lets call it ours. We share everything now anyway. Let's smoke it."

"What?"

"Let's smoke it. Damn, I don't have any paper."

Toby pulled open the nightstand drawer and pulled out his pipe. He looked at his new wife with a raised eyebrow.

"Tobias Zachary Ziegler, you were holding out on me."

"Well, if we do it sugar, we do it right."

***

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you, Donna, and a 30 pack have in common?" Nora asked.

"Oh my God, who has weed?"

"Just come over."

"I'm there."

Nora hung up and looked at Toby, who still had a look of horror on his face.

"Calm down Tobes, this is going to be fun."

"Is it?"

"Oh yeah. Go in the bedroom, get the incense and the Creedence records."

He nodded, leaving the room. Nora went to the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of Chardonnay. Toby was back, also carrying a beanbag chair. Nora smiled.

"Where did the hell did you find that?" she asked.

"There are some things you don't know about me." He replied.

"Yes, I know. Let's do something about that tonight, shall we?"

"OK."

***

CJ picked up the ringing telephone in the den.

"Hello."

"Hey, don't say my name."

"Um, OK. Hi."

"Come on over tonight…Nora and I are having a little party."

"OK. What…?"

"Leo is not invited."

"What do you mean? What's going on?"

"Well, I don't think this will be the appropriate forum for the White House Chief of Staff."

"Why? What the hell Tobus?"

"Hey! I said don't say my name!"

"What the hell 007 stunt are you pulling? Put Nora on the phone."

Nora picked up.

"CJ, the man is a certified boob sometimes but I love him to death. Toby and I found a lost bag of weed in our closet and we're going to set the poor bastard free."

"You're shitting me?"

"Nope."

"Oh, I am there. Give me 45 minutes."

"Right. Bye."

CJ hung up the phone. She went into the study where Leo was working.

"What's up baby?"

"I am going over to Toby and Nora's for an impromptu thing. I'll be back later."

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing, just unpacking and drinking some beer. Mitch is with the kids but I will check on them before I go."

"Alright. Don't drink too much and don't stay out too late."

"I won't. I'll have something for you when I get back."

She smiled and so did Leo.

"Should I be excited or frightened?" he asked.

"Both. See you later."

"Hey, no kiss."

CJ leaned over the desk, pulled him to her by his shirt collar, and kissed him.

"Later Leopold."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

***

"Sam should be here for this." CJ said as she settled into the beanbag chair.

"He was always a passer." Josh replied.

Donna laughed. Toby and Nora sat on the couch, he sitting and she in a lay position. Her back rested against the arm and her legs were draped over his lap. She attempted to light the pipe before Toby stopped her.

"Before we do this I just want to say if anyone ever repeats anything that may be said in this room tonight I will personally wring their necks. That includes my beautiful wife."

"OK, having gotten that out of the way. Light it up Nora."

Josh cracked open the beer and passed it around. Toby drank bourbon. Nora lit the pipe and took a big hit.

"Whoa there killer." Josh said. "Save some for the rest of us."

Toby took the pipe and took a hit. He passed the pipe to Josh. Finally it got to CJ…she took as big a hit as Nora did.

"Are you sure this is the first time in 20 some odd years you girls have did this?" Josh asked.

"For you to know and me to find out." Nora replied.

"Really?" Toby asked. "Is it now?"

Nora slapped his arm.

"Shut up you. Hey Claudia Jean, stop hogging the chronic."

CJ passed the pipe, guzzling her beer.

"Damn, I'm feeling it already." Donna said.

She leaned back, her head on CJ's knees.

"This is some good shit." Josh said. He was already on his second beer. "How old is it? Is it laced with anything?"

"We don't know." Nora replied. "I found it in the closet."

"Mmm hmm." Toby said.

Josh took a hit and passed it to Donna.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Donna asked.

"What?" Nora asked.

"I don't remember. Oh wait…oh no…damn!"

She and CJ bowled over with laughter as Toby just looked at them. Then he took a small hit from the pipe after Nora took hers. He passed it to Josh.

"Hey, I don't think Toby is smoking." He said loudly.

"I am Josh. Why don't you say it a bit louder…maybe someone on 17th and New Hampshire didn't hear you."

"You better be smoking speechwriter. I want your guard down so I can extract juicy secrets from your past."

"New Hampshire!" Donna exclaimed. "Wow, we had a blast there. Isn't the President from there?"

"I believe he is." CJ replied. "Have some more beer hunnybunny. Tobus, are you really puffing, or just passing?"

"Don't call me that. I am."

Nora handed him the pipe.

"Do it now." She said. "While we're all looking."

Toby sighed, taking a small hit before passing it back to Josh.

"He's trying to keep some of his wits." Nora said.

"That's a good idea." Josh replied. "Good plan Tobus."

CJ started to laugh as Toby glared at him.

"If you ever call me that again, your next of kin will have to be notified."

"I'm hungry." Donna declared after taking a round of the second hand smoke CJ blew out.

"I bought snacks." CJ declared. "Over there."

"Who's getting up?" Nora asked.

They all looked at Toby, who sighed again.

"Alright. How did I get myself into this?"

"I think I am going to switch to wine." CJ said.

"Uh oh, someone is going to be holding your hair later."

"Shut up Joshua. It won't be you."

Toby dropped a bag of Fritos in Donna's lap before taking his place on the couch. Josh grabbed the can of peanuts.

"Oh, I just remembered what this reminded me of." Donna said.

"What?" Nora asked.

"See I think it was a dream, so you guys wouldn't know it anyway."

Everyone laughed and Toby threw a pillow at her.

***

"How many pools have you fallen into CJ?" Josh asked.

"Just those two that I can think of. There may be more. Toby did save me from sudden death once…I almost fell off a stoop in Brooklyn."

"You would have fallen into the garbage. I think you would've survived."

"I could've cracked my neck." CJ reasoned.

"There is that."

"See."

"Dude, is Black Water a long ass song or is it just me?" Nora asked.

She was deep into a box of Ritz Bits Cheese crackers.

"It is long." Donna said. "Josh insisted on bringing Doobie Brothers records."

"Hey, no one gets high without the Doobies." He said.

Nora said Creedence, CJ said Led Zeppelin, and Donna said the Moody Blues.

"The Moody Blues?" Toby raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, we had to listen to whatever my uncle had. In college it was AC/DC."

"Oh, I love getting high and listening to Back in Black. That was in high school."

"Weren't you like three when that album came out?" Josh asked.

"Shut up…I was 15."

"You like AC/DC Tobes?" Nora asked.

"Nope. I'm not really into heavy metal."

"The women in the videos were hot." Josh replied.

"Oh please." Donna rolled her eyes.

"Truth or dare Josh." CJ said.

"Hell no." Toby replied.

"Yes." Nora said.

"Truth." Josh said.

"Don't do it Josh." Toby warned.

"Have you ever kissed a man?"

"No. Why, did you think I did?"

"That's why I asked."

"Truth or dare Donna." Josh asked.

"Truth."

"Do you have a raging crush on me?"

She looked at CJ and they just laughed.

"What?"

"God no. Eww, why would you think that? Toby, truth or dare?"

"Wait, wait, wait…why is it such a…you could like me."

CJ laughed.

"I think you hurt his feelings."

Donna looked at her boss.

"You know I love you so much you ninny." She said. "But that does not mean that I have some schoolgirl crush on you. Get over it. Truth or dare Toby?"

"Dare."

"Ooh. Um, I dare you to kiss Josh."

"No way in hell."

"You said dare." Nora said.

"I really don't mind." Josh said.

"Shut up." Toby said.

"Do it!" CJ exclaimed.

Toby cringed.

"Come here Josh. If you ever tell a soul, I will kill you."

He kissed his lips and gently pushed him away. Josh frowned.

"OK, this is bothering me. Donna says eww to me and now you don't want to kiss me. Do you find me unattractive Toby? If it were Sam, would you have been more willing to kiss him?"

"Oh lord. CJ, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Um…do you and Leo practice anal sex?" he asked.

CJ sat up on her elbows.

"Wow." Donna said. "This stuff is strong. Who is that pod person and what have you done with Toby Ziegler?"

"No." CJ replied.

"Liar!" Josh shouted.

"It is true."

"You two do have a lot of sex." Nora said.

"So? Not the butt kind."

"What's wrong with the butt kind?" Donna asked.

"Whoa." Josh said. "What are you into Donna?"

"Shut up."

Toby poured a shot of bourbon, handing it to CJ.

"Drink it." He said.

"What?"

"Your answer can neither be confirmed nor denied."

"Fuckers." She muttered, downing the shot. "Truth or dare Nora?"

"Um, truth?"

"How is Toby in bed?"

"You're dead later." He said.

"Promises, promises."

"He is fantastic." Nora threw her hands out to prove her point. "Strong, confident, and cocksure…emphasis on cock."

"Hey, I think they get it." Toby said.

"I don't know if I get it." Donna replied, giggling.

"Game over." Toby declared. "You're ruining my high."

Nora laughed. She and CJ low fived.

"How am I going to get home?" Josh asked. "I just thought about that."

"Bill is downstairs." CJ said. "He can drive us. oh wait, he can't…he has to follow me. Shit."

"We can call Leo." Donna said.

CJ gasped.

"That's it! Donnatella, you are brilliant. Someone give me a phone. Wait, I have one."

She grabbed the phone from her jeans pocket and pressed 1.

"Hello."

"Hey honey."

"Hi. You OK?"

"I kind of need a ride home. So do Josh and Donna."

"Really? Did you have too much to drink?" Leo asked.

"Something like that. Will you do it…I will love you if you do."

"Thank you. Sure, when?"

"One hour; we promise to be ready."

"Willing and able." Josh added.

CJ giggled.

"Claudia Jean, are you drunk?" Leo asked.

"Uh uh. I only had…what did I have Nora?"

Nora took the phone.

"Two beers, two glasses of wine, and a shot of bourbon. She can't drive but she's OK. The weed though…"

"Nora!" CJ screeched grabbing the phone. "Ignore her Leo. Just come and get us."

"Yeah. See you in an hour."

CJ clicked off the phone.

"Thanks man. If you ruined my chances of getting laid I am coming back here and taking your cocksure husband."

"OK." Nora replied.

***

Josh climbed into the back of SUV with Donna and Leo pulled off.

"Donna first." CJ said. "She's closest to the White House."

"But we are not going back to White House." Josh said. "So I am closer."

"No you're not." CJ said.

"He might be." Donna threw in.

"Stop." Leo said. "It will be Donna, then Josh. Let's all be quiet."

"Shh." Donna added.

Josh snickered. For the next ten minutes, there was silence in the car. It was broken by Donna's giggling fit.

"What?" CJ asked, checking her out in the rear view.

"Cocksure." She replied.

They both began to laugh. Josh cringed.

"TMI man." He said.

"You kissed him." Donna said.

"It was my lips. It wasn't you know, tongue or anything."

"Still, you did it." CJ said.

"Shut up."

"Hey, everyone be quiet." Leo said. "You guys are more than drunk. I hope you had a good time tonight because if I ever see you like this again, I am firing all of you."

"Yes sir." CJ saluted.

"This was the most immature thing you have ever done. I cannot believe you did this."

They were all quiet as Leo pulled up in front of Josh's apartment.

"Goodnight Josh."

"Bye Leo. Bye ladies."

He climbed out and Leo pulled off. Donna and CJ were both quiet on the trip to her apartment. Once she said goodnight, Leo and CJ were alone. She looked out the window.

"I know you're mad, but…we just decided to do something goofy tonight."

"Who went out and bought drugs?" Leo asked.

"No one. Nora found it after an avalanche of stuff fell out of her closet."

"I am so disappointed in you Claudia Jean."

"Don't say that, you sound like my father when you say that. I don't want to fight with you cuz I am feeling good right now and I just want to go home and have sex."

"I'm not…I am not having sex with you tonight."

"What! Leo, don't be a damn stick in the mud."

They pulled into the driveway and Bill pulled up to the curb.

"A stick in the mud? Do you remember Lillienfield and the hell I went through? How could you do this? I am so disappointed in you?"

"Stop saying that!"

"I could, if I could stop feeling it."

"You are a fucking buzzkill!"

She stormed out of the car, into the house and up the stairs. Leo could not believe that she was high. His Senior Staff smoked a bong tonight…what were they thinking? They obviously were not. He knew things had not been good at the White House recently, but drugs. Dammit! He went up the stairs and into the bedroom. She was playing _Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie_. The bathroom door was wide open and she sat in a tub filled with bubbles. They looked at each other for a few minutes, then CJ leaned back and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"For what?"

"Picking a fight. I think what you did was stupid but…I'm sorry."

"No one said it wasn't stupid. Sometimes it is OK to do stupid things, especially with the people you love the most. We were just blowing off some steam Leo."

"Yeah."

He sometimes forgot that she was two decades younger than he was, and that was a viable option for her. She was in a safe environment and the secret would be held amongst the partygoers to the grave. He sighed, sitting on the edge of the tub, his fingers playing in the bubbles.

"Do you regret sometimes marrying a buzzkill?" he asked.

Before he could do anything about it he was splashing down into the bathtub. CJ thrust her tongue in his mouth as Leo pushed his wet hair back.

"Nope." She replied.

They hardly made it to the bedroom, and certainly didn't have time to close the door. Leo managed to peel off his wet shirt but CJ yanked down his slacks and boxers. They went down on the carpet between the bathroom door and the bed and Leo took her. CJ cried out, scratching his back and calling his name.

"Claudia!" he shouted as he came quickly.

CJ started to giggle as Leo buried his face in her neck.

"I am so glad I'm not filled with angst and self-doubt." He mumbled.

She rubbed his neck softly, kissing his cheek.

"See Leo, that's all I wanted. See how easy it is when you just give in and give me what I want." She replied.

"I am happy to serve baby."

"I know, that is why I love you."

"I love you too. Please don't do this again Claudia Jean."

"We can't. We smoked it all."

Leo couldn't help but laugh.

"Are we going to lie on the carpet all night?" he asked.

"Mmm, can I have some time to think about that?"

***

"Oh, I don't even believe this. You fucking suck!"

Nora slapped Toby on the back of the head. He growled in his sleep and continued to snore. She folded her arms as she sat up in the bed.

"I give you two thumbs up to our friends and this is how you pay me back? Ooh, I am so pissed at you right now. I will get you back for this Toby Ziegler."

She reached into her nightstand drawer and grabbed the vibrator.

"I hope you hear this, you selfish bastard."

***


End file.
